Where My Brain Is

Over the last week, I've been watching a lot of YouTube videos of people who have taken this journey. It's been amazing, seeing their progress - where they started and where they ended up. However, something else happened as well. I started thinking about things that I hadn't been thinking about before.

What if I lose too much weight? How horrible will my skin be? What if I have complications?

Now, let me make something pretty clear here. I'm fully aware of how ridiculous it is for a 350lb person to be thinking about losing too much weight. I mean, I have to lose 150lbs just to be "overweight" instead of "morbidly obese". I know how insane it sounds. But....what if? It's not unheard of - though I feel like the people who have dealt with that were smaller than me to begin with, if that matters.

The skin thing...I know without a doubt that it will be gross. This morning the Hubs and I talked about it some, and I said, "I guess there are worse things to go into debt for than plastic surgery, right?" and he agreed. I know it's not the end of the world, and it's a hell of a lot better than a heart attack or diabetes, so I guess I just need to think of it as part of the process. Maybe if I can get that sort of thinking to stick, I'll be okay with it. And hey, I can always try to achieve lift off in a strong wind, right?

Complications. Well, they're a risk that I need to decide if I'm willing to take. The thing is...if I don't go forward with RnY, I'll be diabetic within a year. With that comes complications - no 'chance' of a risk - it's 100%. I'm terrified of being diabetic. My favourite uncle, who's like a father to me, is losing his sight because of it. Another uncle has since died from the complications of it - and that was after he lost a foot to it. That is not a future I want.

I want to run. I want to work out and have awesome muscles. I want to feel strong and able, not weak and lazy and tired.  I know this is the right path for me, and that all of these fears are both warranted as well as normal. It amazes me that the first time around, in 2001, I don't remember thinking about these things. I suppose I worried a little, but not like this. Does that mean I'm in a better place right now? I hope so.

A Beginning & An End

I've been trying to decide for some time now what the best way to start this journey is - blog or vlog. I'm still not 100% sure that this is the 'right' way for me, but here I am.

Let's see where this road takes us, shall we?